August 4, 2021

built on passion with a side of anxiety


Many, who know me, always knew this would be the fate of my career – being my own boss. I too, would rave about this “later plan” with honestly no real mentality on how, when, what, where — how this would come to be. It was definitely verbally my plan but internally, it was such a “later plan” that I haven’t remotely wrapped my brain around quite yet. Thinking about what it would take to bring this into fruition seemed too big, too scary, too REAL to wrap my head around. Then March 2020 came about and really changed a lot of things. Obviously, for the world – everyone dealt (and is still dealing) with the hardships of the pandemic. Being smack-dab in the middle of this industry that cannot survive with the current restrictions of the world’s state.. well, it was heart breaking but also completely disheartening to look ahead (the unknown of when ahead might be).”

In my personal journey with this, I was given opportunities in which I had to make a plan. Actually let me rephrase that, I wasn’t given any opportunities. I found myself at the end of a fork, with no food on my plate, which pushed me into making the decision of a lifetime. There’s been so many tears, doubts, conversations, anxieties, breakdowns… however, everything has led to where I am now and I understand that I needed to go through all of that to be standing at this moment.

Full transparency, there is a part of my being that believes I was forced into this option… like I said, I’ve always said that “one day” I would become my own boss with a coordination company. Yet the reality of my internal being, simply could not wrap my head around how that would be, UNTIL I was pressed into the situation to make a choice.
I certainly had a flashing thought during the pandemic, when the light at the end of the tunnel– was non-existent; wondering if I should change industries or not. Like I said before, I’ve never considered myself doing any other job and still couldn’t even though there wasn’t an actual place for my position in the world at the time. This is where lots of tears came in, a flood of them… for weeks, months, what felt like forever.

From this, big decisions were made. Officially, I decided to wait through the pandemic to go back into the industry that I know and love – I made this time, the most productive with preparing for my future business plans. While waiting for the storm to end, I was given the time to become a business, create a website (all by myself), establish packages, create bank accounts / get organized on the financial end, talk to seasoned coordinators / gain knowledge from field research, and create a brand for myself. Somewhere in between the productivity, I was gifted with more confidence that, this was MINE.


One question I’ve always had, and I’ve questioned many entrepreneurs/business owners over time, has been: “how do you possibly manage paying yourself out while starting a business?” Before I was a business owner, that was my absolute biggest and honestly scariest consideration. To not only have a profitable business and be able to pay the business bills, but to be able to make enough, to pay out yourself for a living and all the expenses that come with. I know just how silly / simple this sounds, and even with the advice constantly given to me, I continued to be in fear of paying myself a salary. This fear was something I had to face (or else I wouldn’t be here). I am a product of being on the other side and facing my fears!!!!!! It paid off!!!


So here I stand, about 8 months into being a business owner and all the goals I set for myself have completely exceeded my wildest expectations. Day-by-day, I am dealing with new situations I’ve never had to face, I’ve learned to be mindful of my words, and to become more deliberate with all choices I make. There’s so many things to constantly be thinking about: recording expenses, paying staff, posting on instagram, responding timely to active clients, if marketing is up-to-par and bringing in enough clients, what can I do to be better…. the list goes on.

People constantly are asking how I’m doing, which is totally a loaded question… But at the end the day, I am doing exactly what my 16-year old self manifested – but honestly on CRACK!!!… Even my 25-year-old self wouldn’t have believed where I am now. I definitely cannot be naive enough to say that “COVID was great”; because it wasn’t and it still sucks and it made many fall ill beyond repair and has broken families and screwed the economy, and so many other aspects in our world. Speaking from my personal journey, I have grown so much from the downtime I was forced into. My industry never stops, it’s absolutely constant without an off-season; I can confidently verbalize that this forced PAUSE, changed my life forever.

Looking back, if I were to flip through the story pages of my life, this chapter will be a major highlight. Not only was becoming a business owner one of the hardest (and constantly still is), stages so far, but it’s been the most life-altering.  I could say it until I’m blue in the face but I am beyond grateful for absorbing the conversations, lessons, anxieties that got me here. I would be lying if I didn’t tell you how challenging, compromising, tear-filled, stress-filled, with a multitude of sleepless nights. The beginning was not easy, it was such a leap that I didn’t feel I was capable of. Looking at the current state, the active business: it’s a constant juggle to maintain what I believe in, stand for and vow to continue to represent. How constant it is – is a true feat everyday. I have gotten over the idea that it will ever get easier – this is my life now! HAPPILY IS MY LIFE NOW.


Which leads me to stress, I’m always stressed. I show it a bit differently than most. I will say that the biggest change by being my own boss versus working for other companies is that my level of stress is of different things. Previously, my stress relied in sitting at my desk on time and clocking out for lunch when I had to, to avoid getting in trouble. I would always respond my clients on time so that stress wasn’t there, because having someone over my back was more fearful to me than anything else (talk about a teacher’s pet). The stress I sit with now, revolves around creating my own schedule and probably just missing lunch because… I don’t live in lunch breaks anymore.

The stressor I have now – is that there is no one higher than me to fix any troubling situations as they occur. I am the only one that can come in and save the day. With this idea, of being the top of my own chain; well, the stakes are higher. Again the stress it’s differently, I can exercise when I want to if I can fit it in the schedule and no one is counting my hours as it was done in Corporate America; but I have promises, a brand, and a name to uphold with my clients constantly. Different stressors.

So yes when you ask me how I’m doing a struggle to say a realistic answer but also not too much with a daunting response. But I’m doing well, I’m happy, I’m stressed, I’m juggling, and I could always use a bit more sleep. There are so many more things to life than work, like reading and running and family and friends and rosé on rooftops. The struggle of not only being a business owner but being able to enjoy life in the fruit that I deserve, and again – is another constant struggle.

THE BLOG: I wanted to touch base on the reasons for this blog. Years ago, I bought this website and started this blog with the intentions of being a travel/running/events blog—with the intentions of someday having my own event company, I wanted to find a place to showcase my past events without losing the contemporary content. Since I had a full-time job, in events (always have), I didn’t want the blog to be too obvious on the fact that it was event driven as that could be a conflict of interest. I started this blog and put tons of work into it, spent hours writing posts and curating exciting content for my people to find engaging. I moved jobs, life moved forward and I became even busier– completely forgetting about the blog in this new stage of life and it paused from there. Blogging was no longer a priority in my life, that was, until COVID hit. With the reality of starting a business in the pipeline, lucky me — I had loads of content ready to go. Because years ago, I sat down and put so much energy into creating this, I didn’t have to start from square 1 when it was really time. HOW COOL IS THAT?!?!

My aim for this blog is for this to be a space for event tips, tricks for your future wedding, sharing stories of the coolest people (that I get to call my clients). If you’re a runner, I know a thing or two about long distance running, training and marathons. If your reader, I’m going to be doing a quarterly book review and recommendation list. Let’s get book-wormy together!

Being apart of these moments for my clients is SO important and so special I get to experience. That’s why I find it to be a mutual relationship with my clients; you share with me, I share with you. I value my life memories and prioritize my family, friends, personal goals and physical achievements – whats more relatable than me sharing all I can, from professional too personal, with the people that share their most intimiate experiences with me. I’m an open book – I sure hope you didn’t read all of this 🙂

Until next time,

XOXO

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